it still smells just like you

so i am a recovering addict.

he is talented, hot, and quite the heart throb.

i cant help my silly little school girl heart from falling for those songs and voice.

Jesse McCartney:)

i was listening to some of him tonight and am afraid i have been reminded of why i was so obsessed with the dude.

so im back!

i am so ready to be done with school!!

exams and projects and tests and all the other assignments you have to remember,

by yourself, is exhausting!

i have been going to school for 3 straight years now with no real summer break or anything. :/

i guess i didn't think that part through too well.

right back in the water

so i know my titles have nothing to do with what i actually write, its just whatever lyric from a song im listening to while i write.

and funny enough they end up tying in nicely.

im so excited because my family is gonna be up here for three days starting tommorrow:)

i miss my sisters.

i can't wait to catch up and have sleep overs

and just be with some people i dont have to worry about keeping up my front for.

i can just be me and they love me and i love them.

we have the best of relationships.

hate, screaming, yelling and wrestling one minute;

laughing, joking, and real talks the next.

so it started snowing today. :(

just when i was getting ready to pull out my shorts and flip flops. frik.

when does the stupid cold go away?!

im proud of myself for being able to stay on top of my homework

and housework and the little extras lately.

i think im getting the hang of balencing everything.

i was worried a little while ago but maybe this won't be so bad.

i am in a party mood so i am ready for some company :)

but at least for tonight, homework and a bubble bath sound nice.

if you really want to know

so today as i was leaving my humanities class it was suddenly brought to my attention how many girls around me had these HUGE engagement or wedding rings.

and while i walked to my next class i thought about how poor college students are and yet they can afford to get their hopefully new wives such expensive and big rings.

how can this be?

i have also taken note (not that is hard to miss) how many freaking couples there are

or at least how many students at this school have paired off.

whether it be because they're married or just dating, it seems everyone is getting

"spring fever" or has been bit by "the love bug".

Lord help us all.

now i'm not gonna dog on them or rant and rave about how i don't need a man or am lonely.

but i will say, get a friking room.

meant it truely

so my family is coming up to visit me in exactly a week and im a tad excited...:D

hopefully my sister will bringing me some of my spring clothes and plenty of stories to fill me in on.

im sitting in my math class so completely bored!

sugning up for classes was a tad stressful..up till 2am.

but i like my schedule for next semester minus 1 class i might not have to take and then am gonna drop my sci fd class if i dont have to take it.

but otherwise i have 5 classes on monday and wednesday starting at 10am and only 1 class on tuesday and thursdays with two classes on friday :)

a little bummed i didnt get to take my basket ball class though. i might try soccer though instead?

last night for FHE our group had a bon fire out in the middle of nowhere and it was nice to sit around a fire. it reminded me of home and friday nights at chelseys or girls camp. the big black sky with stars scattered across was beautiful.

also, our fhe brothers had trucks so there was like 10 minutes of mudding.

i've had much better but it satisified my craving for now.

merrily we fall out of line.

so i love this new band, thanks to Briana, called He is We.

been a easy friday:

classes from 11:30 till 3

nap till 7

dinner

plan classes...

probly gonna turn in early?

probably playing frisbee tommorrow, IF it doesnt snow...again!

cant wait:)

latest complant staying in the stupid dorms: my clothes are getting stolen!

im missing soccer shorts, my favorite black dress, and some PJ pants :(

i think its interesting to see myself in someone else.

to see yourself in a new light or how you used to be.

i know college has changed me.

alot has changed around me as well as far, far away.

and although ive changed some behaviors,

i think ive managed to not become too a different person.

im still not sure what i want in life.

or more how i wanna go about getting the things i want in life.

i used to take alot of crap from alot of people, even those i loved.

but i cant now, i have more respect for myself.

i wont put up with it.

i dont need it or want it.

people and their relationships fasinate me.

their means of communication, rules, and feelings.

what they think is ok or right.

ive always done my best not to judge until i know the person much better

or at least saw more of their true colors before deciding how i feel about them.

i do my best to keep an open mind but lately

i find myself surrounded by hypocrits and liars.

untrustworthy and well just plan jerks.

i miss sleepovers.

everyone piling in bed and barely getting any sleep but

laughing til 3am and crashing the next day.

3 weeks:)

miss you daddy.

i miss my daddy.

i miss his hugs.

i miss his voice.

i miss watching James bond movies and old Cary Grant classics on sunday nights.

i miss his cooking.

i miss eating his delishious chcolate desserts.

i miss his logic thinking.

i miss him reading to me.

i miss driving his BMW and his JEEP.

i miss his british humor.

i miss getting visits from his thick accented brothers.

i wish he was here to help me become what i wanna do.

he was always so supportive of me.

never let me be lazy.

was always on my team and with him leading my fam, we could do anything.

he told me how it was and that was that.

none of this pull at my heart strings crap.

im listening to Tarzan's "you'll be in my heart" and find the words will always ring true for me and my daddy.

"dont listen to them, cause what do they know?

we need each oher to have and to hold.

they'll see in time, i know.

when destiny calls, you must be strong.

i may not be with you, but you've got to hold on.

they'll see in time, i know.

we'll show them togethe cause,

you'll be in my heart, no matter what they say.

you'll be in my heart always.

just look over your shoulder, ill be there, always."

i miss my superman.

im new, so theres alot to say

so im starting this because well my journal writng is great but i have so much to write that my hand starts hurting while i could type for hours.

first off, i think college life is getting better and better. im warming up to my teachers and classes. got the hang of homework. ive become nocturnal though. its a nice schedule ive got myself in. get home 12ish, eat, shower, homework/facebook/skype and then pass out till the alarm goes.

ive got alot on me right now. alot of emotional baggage. i like to think it goes away but then comes back to smack me in the face. i want so badly to be with my new family. to get to know the new ones and cathch up with the old. but everytime i start longing for them, i remember why it is i chose to go to school so far away.

ive been taking a child development class and have learned alot about how the very second a baby is born, even before that, that everything, EVERYTHING a mother does effects the baby. along with the father, all they teach that baby will help shape that baby to become a strong, healthy person. kinda scary to think about as someone who was once that baby and will one day be a mother. i cant wait. but at the same time, wow.

im not so sure what i wanna do with my life just yet. like i said above, i wanna be a mommy. i love children and i know i am suppose to work with them but what? plus i can't be a mama till i find a daddy and well thats not gonna be happening for another couple years i think. i have things i still need to do without them. i just cant wait to meet them. husband and kids that is. but i definatly am ready to feel needed. ive been raised that way. i like taking care of my loved ones. i cant be selfish. goes aganist my nature.

so back to the careers thing. i was thinking about becoming a baby nurse and get to take care of the new borns in hospitals. maybe even be a mid-wife. but problem is i dont handle blood and needles very well. well i dont handle them at all. so that complicates things. so i started thinking about maybe theropy or maybe sociology. i could be a foster mom or work at an adoption agency. that'd be awesome to me. so im gonna take a intro class and see how it works out. we'll see what happens.

im so excited for next semester! ill have some of my faveorite people living with me. finally! after all the planning and waiting, it'll be here! can't wait for the fun and laughs that'll be had with my girls. movies, parties, sleeping in, music with vibrating walls, laughing, boys, midnight snacks, frisbee, pictures, and so much more.